WHY MEN ARE NEVER
DEPRESSED:
--- Start Disclaimer
---
I had difficultly finding the source for the "Why Men Are Never
Depressed" quote below because
there seems to be many sources for the same quote. If I was a woman,
I'd likely give this mystery some
more time, but being that I'm a man, I figure that somebody else will
eventually figure this out.
Feel free to chastise me for taking the easy way out by simply posting
the quote below without
having figured out the original source, but again, I'm a man, so I
could really care less.
Nonetheless, feel free to contact
me with the
original source, and I'll happily give the proper credit. After all,
even though I am a man,
I do have some redeeming qualities. I just have a hard time finding
them.
Bill Myers
--- End Disclaimer
---
Men Are Just Happier
People --
What do you expect
from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays
put.
Wedding plans take
care of themselves.
Chocolate is just
another snack...
You can never be
pregnant.
You can wear a white
T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt
to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you
the truth.
The world is your
urinal.
You never have to
drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop
and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wedding dress $5000.
Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at
your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut,
blister, or mangle your feet.
Phone conversations
are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about
tanks.
A five-day vacation
requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your
own jars.
If someone forgets to
invite you,
He or she can still be
your friend.
Your underwear is
$8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes
are more than enough.
Everything on your
face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle
lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave
your face and neck.
You can play with toys
all your life.
One wallet and one
pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no
matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your
nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of
choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas
shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25
minutes.
___________________________________
Men Are Just Happier
People
If Laura, Kate and
Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and
Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
When
the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even
though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller
and none will actually admit they want change back.
When
the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators...YEP!!!
A man will pay $2
for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1
for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
A man has six items
in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar
of soap, and a towel.
The average number
of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be
able to identify more than 20 of these items.
A woman
has the last word in any argument.
Anything
a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
A woman worries
about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries
about the future until he gets a wife.
A
woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A
man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
A woman will dress
up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone,
read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up
for weddings and funerals.
Men
wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.
Ah,
children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears
and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely
aware of some short people living in the house.
A
married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!
Click/tap
here to go back to the main page of Myers Productions.